I humbly accept this award ....

My first ever award presented this day, Saturday, January 24, 2009....by Laurie! Thank you Laurie for honoring me w/this prestigious award. You and I have been very forthcoming and honest over these past few months, so it is fitting that I pass this award onto other worthy blogger friends.

Here is how the award is won....

HONEST SCRAP AWARD: Honorees are to list 10 honest things about themselves-and make it interesting, even if we have to dig deep! Second, we are to pass the award on to 7 bloggers we feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

My Honesty Information is below:

1. I had this continual scary dream about a man in a black cloak, which would pop up anywhere, anytime. He would barely get close to me and I would (in the dream) think that my life was over….then I would wake up! This man reminded me of the sinister man who was behind Darth Vader in Star Wars.(Same black cloak and sinister vapor that surrounded him) Funny thing, that dream died after my dad died.

2. I can remember watching a pig be butchered on my grand parent’s huge kitchen table. My grandpa was holding me up to see everything and since I loved pork chops, he showed me where they were located. YUCK! It must have done something to my physic b/c I refused to eat a pork chop again….UNLESS my grandpa bought one home from the grocery store, which is just what he did! Yes, I was a spoiled granddaughter!

3. I am terrified of my car running off of a bridge into water, especially when our daughters were young. I can swim, some, but would I collect my thoughts enough to know what to do in that situation.

4. I was married before and had a shotgun held to my head by this man among other things. Abuse was my middle name. Funny thing was that while I was in that situation, I felt that maybe I deserved the abuse. I felt like a failure, marriage was to be a forever life! It only lasted 8 months! Double failure!

5. I have some weird pet peeves….I wash my hands constantly (is that OCD?) I have to have a spotless house when we travel b/c IF there should be a fire; the firemen would notice that “this lady is a very organized, clean person.” Carts not put in the cart rack in the Wal Mart parking lot drives me crazy. I can’t sit on my bedspread w/just my underwear on.-eeeck! I freak if I have to touch my dirty socks/underwear. I have to do many normal everyday things the same way every time I do them or else there is no order to my day…etc dishes, dressing, opening doors, morning makeup time, just to name a few.(ok, maybe I am OCD)

6. I am amazed at the love of my husband. For 5 yrs after we married, I kept thinking that he was going to cheat on me, leave me, abuse me, I just knew that when he said he loved me, he really didn’t. Why would he? (Underlying self esteem issues) Every guy in my life did that so why would he be any different? YET, he loves me still! 32 yr ago he vowed before God and family that he would cherish me…and he has. He has served me thru many surgeries, flues, stressful times, deaths of family members and death of our first daughter. He loves me w/an everlasting love. But more that than, he loves God! I am his second love b/c his love goes to His Lord Jesus Christ first. My husband embodies integrity and he is an example of that integrity toward his daughters and sons and grandchildren.
He is my love and I only hope that everyday he can sense that love and devotion from my heart to his.

7. I have 2 mottos: A) 2 Men came into my life and gave me self-esteem, Jesus and my husband in that order. B) Joy~ Jesus first your self last and others in-between (John 15:11)

8. I cannot believe that God gave me the daughters I have. I know every mother feels that her kids are the best but my daughters are awesome. So I brag! Shana and Jill, I know I tell you all the time that you are special and I love you but it goes deeper than that. I have sent you the song by Martina McBride, “In My Daughters Eyes” and it seems that it was written from my heart to yours. We always said that we were raising adults not children b/c our focus was to get them both into being productive, responsible adults. Well, thru the good and bad times, we got them there…with a lot of help from God Himself! (May I reflect: How amazing that God used us to work in their lives?) They both are now wives and a mother and a mother in waiting. (One day God will direct that path-wink!) They are also supportive minister wives! With their daddy being a minister, we thought they would run from this lifestyle, but yet God had them running into the arms of these wonderful men. WOW! But more than that, I am now learning from them! They have no idea how they challenge me in my everyday life, my spiritual life, my mental life. I had no idea! I feel that they encourage me more than I do them. It is a privilege to pray for them when they call! My cup runneth over!

9. I have always wanted to own a bookstore like in the movie “You’ve Got Mail”, even before that movie came out. Oh to have a place where people can come in, find comfort, and enjoy what I enjoy the most~Books. I have written several children books but am scared to step out there w/an agent. Actually after we tried desperately to get an agent for my husband’s books, I gave up. Really, if they won’t take his books w/his educational background why would they take notice of me? I would also sell the Kidz Kardz that I have created…cards for kids on their level, about the stuff, they are going through.

10. I love to create and would love to be able to make money by doing the things I love to do… but really don’t think that anyone would be interested in my creations. (Again w/the self esteem) Quilting, writing, painting, wreath making, card making, photography of nature and strange settings at strange angles. These are a few of my favorite things to create. I have to remind myself that I have created 2 beautiful women from the inside out! I have to remind myself that God has done a good work in and thru me. I have to remind myself that Jesus gave His life so I may have a life…and what He has given me is way to awesome to ever let my low self esteem control me for more that a day or two. I have to remind myself that the blood of Christ covers me and I must always keep my focus on His will for my life. “It is not I but Christ who lives in me!!!” (says Paul of the NT)

So all honesty is summed up in my last sentence quote from Paul...."IT IS NOT I BUT CHRIST WHO LIVES IN ME."

I pass this Honesty Award onto 7 other blogger friends...

Shana-my daughter/my firstborn/the mother of my grands!

Alexis-my friend who just moved to Japan

Erin- my friend and staff wife mother of 2 preschoolers

Brandy- my Tennessee friend and awesome mom of Jack

MaryBea- my close friend, who is a real drama queen (I wish I had her acting ability)

Stephanie W- my friend in Mississippi whom God is molding daily & using her adversity to guide others to His cross-sing praise!

Marty- my friend from high school , who I found again a few years ago, wish we had known each other better back in 1972!