Time has passed so quickly since August 23rd, the day we pulled out of Albany. I will never forget the scene on Warren & Jill’s front porch. It had been raining since Friday afternoon from the rings of Hurrican Fay and now rings are forming around my heart forming a heavy storm of tears. I can’t seem to turn them off! Where are they coming from? There they are, our family standing….all our children, preparing to wave goodbye as Steve reaves up the large moving truck in the torrents of rain. I am sitting off to the side in the car, boo-hooing. Because on one hand, I know we are following God, yet I will miss – no- terribly ache over – being so far from the ones who matter the most to me: Shana, Billie, Jill, Warren, JennahKay, Lorahbeth and AudreyAnn.
We leave, not knowing what is down the road for us. Most people our age are stationary in life, how many times have I asked God, “Why not us?” So now I am trying to drive in hard rain & for 15 mins. I think it is actually raining harder INSIDE the car than outside. I recognize that I am mad at Byne for hindering a ministry that we felt was the right place to be. I am mad at Byne b/c I watched my husband bang his head against brick walls way to long…only to watch him shut down. It scared me b/c I have never seen him react this way before. Although I am mad that it broke up our time as family, it will never break our family. I prayed fervently for God to keep bitterness from my heart and He has! Victory! Just when I thought I was ok, that I could go on, the cycle started all over again…..Snapshots of the grands, hearing their voices. Oh my- once I was in another room that Friday night and stopped to the sound of all of them talking, laughing, playing in the front room. I thanked God for the sense of hearing…what a wonderful sound. Kind of like a “Mary took all these things and pondered them in her heart” moment!
After 15 mins of this round & round I decided to stop & focus on God, so I put in my 33Mile CD. The first song started like this: “I’ve heard it said today is all we’re given. Tomorrow may not come so you’d better start livin. I guess it all depends on your point of view. Pardon me if I don’t listen to everything the world says I’m missin. Cause I’m living in the days ahead. I’m already dancing on the streets of gold and I can’t stop celebratin in my soul. When I see Jesus face to face, tell me what could be better?”
Hummm! That started putting things into perspective. However my tears, my sob story did not stop but I kept listening. “There’s a beauty in the dawn, a rhythm to the rain, a silence in the soul that I just can’t explain. There’s a breath of life I breathe, a beating in my heart. A scary sense of what lies past the stars. Behind the mystery I know it could only be…There is a God, this is the proof. That all around the evidence is speaking the truth. From the center of my soul to the edge of the universe, creation is crying out. Believe it or not, There is a God.”
As we rolled slowly down US-300 God was w/me. The creator of the universe helping to dry my tears, guiding my path, holding my torn heart, mending my hurt, protecting me from bitterness. He was encouraging me thru song of His constant and abiding love, joy, peace and understanding. I had also been praying for no more tears once we got onto I-75 to Atlanta when the next song played….."What if in the morning when I wake up, before I fill my coffee cup I say Thank You. What if I looked at the day and the hours ahead & before I moved forward, I bowed my head to say Thank you.” In the middle of this very bouncy song, I changed! My tears stopped, I remembered to say Thank you Lord & as the lyrics go “ I know it would change all the moments in between.” Well, hey! This is what I do everyday but today w/the forever rain in front & back of me I was NOT-SO-ENJOYING-A-PRIVATE- PITY-PARTY.
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