Reflections on a busy week...

As I sit here at 11pm on Wednesday night of VBS....I really don't know why I am blogging, but here goes!

The week has been great so far! 15 of our 20 4th graders enrolled have came all week. Behavior has been fairly well too so that makes for easier days.

I on the other hand have not had it easy...I started off Monday w/the large group story and 5 minutes into it I started a cough attack. (allergies) It lasted for 5 minutes so Roxanne had to take over my lesson...augh! satan was really trying to distract us. Tuesday, I woke up w/no voice-again! I taught my section just the same but straining my voice to project anything that could be heard. Again, satan tried to distract but we kept our focus! Tuesday, I helped a girl w/her scripture passages and realized that she could not read, even small words like "the or unto." After we read the verse "Suffer the little children" I asked her if she understood what it was saying....no comprehension. My heart bleed for her. After I explained the verse, I proceeded to tell her that Jesus was saying that SHE was important. And her eyes lite up! I got the feeling that she was impressed that someone saw her as important. I remember that feeling when I was 21 and heard of Jesus...I understood her. Then my heart bled again for this child. Does anyone know or care that she can not read?

Then today, we shared the ABC's of salvation w/the kids. I was paired w/2 boys and a girl. I shared my witness and then they filled out a short card. No pressure on them. The girl had marked she had prayed to accept Jesus as her Savior. So quietly I took her aside and asked if she could tell me about this. She did. My next question stole my heart. I asked if I or Mr. Steve could call and talk to her parents about this decision and she froze! "I need to change my answer" (repeated twice) I immediately saw fear in this child. This was not my intent! I then calmly soothed her arm and assured her that no one would call her parents. I had her watch me write that on the card, and asked for her trust!

Tonight was VBS Family Nite, and guess who came into our room and gave me the biggest hug! This little girl! As I asked her to introduce me to her parents, she said "This is my caregiver/aunt." I still don't understand fully her fear but I am praying for her. That one day she can look back on this week and realize that a stranger talked to her about Jesus, she became fearful, but she was asked to trust in the stranger...& she did. And maybe, just maybe she will then be at a point where she can trust in Jesus anew!

I really feel that I am alot like both of these little girls. On one hand I can fake life, you know, handle things that come my way w/a "I am in control" manner but really my insides are gnawing about b/c I know I can't do this on my own. I don't feel worthy enough, I don't think my faith is strong enough. But when I stop and see that I am valued in the eyes of God...I feel so much lighter, I don't have to do this life on my own. And there are other people around who will encourage me to stand tall. On the other hand I am so trusting of something that is bigger than me...God! He hears my prayers, He loves me. And when I am communicating to Him, I know I am safe. Then when I have to take what I know and share that w/others, I become scared, fearful to speak. What if I say the wrong thing or misquote a verse. Will people laugh at me? Will they not understand what I know to be true inside? Like Moses, I sometimes feel that ~if I could just have an Aaron around to speak for me....but I have to speak...I must!So I do.

I hope one day both of these little girls come to know and understand that in time, they to will be bold in their faith. That they will be able to read those big words in Numbers...and even thru their fear they will stand strong b/c God is backing them up.

p.s. Yes, I know God goes before us and the Holy Spirit gives us the words to speak. I know more scripture now (at my age) and I am more trusting and prayerful for opportunities to witness. I just couldn't help but reflect on these girls and how their reactions these past few days are just the same as mine and yours on days gone by. I know you know girls big and little going thru the same feelings of loneliness, self esteem, and fear...so pray for them, pray for each other that we may be stronger in our walk as believers!

The days ahead in this world-view life that we live in is not getting any easier so we must run this race w/endurance to claim the prize!!!!